I knew in my heart the very first day of my corporate job that I was not supposed to be there. I figured it was best to push that feeling down because I assumed it was coming from a laziness factor in me.
Then the longer I stuck with it, the more some of my coworkers asserted that belief.
They gossiped about people who quit our company and didn’t re-enter the workforce. They made fun of them for taking risks and pursuing their own passions instead of celebrating them for their obvious courage. They left to be entrepreneurs; to open a yoga studio, go to real estate school, or to teach English abroad. I marveled at how brave they were. But if whatever they were doing didn’t generate an immediate income and have the ‘security’ of being employed by a big company, people spoke of them as if they were complete losers.
Maybe my coworkers from my unhappy office-environment did this as a defense mechanism, or perhaps they genuinely believed it. But I felt those the people who quit were awesome! They weren’t tunnel-visioned by a job they knew they were doing just for the paycheck. They made the choice to leave a ‘secure’ job because it made them unhappy. Either way, so when I didn’t agree with my grumpy coworkers’ sentiment, I knew I was in trouble.
- I never got into management
The climbing the corporate ladder, in most cases, inevitably includes moving into a management role where your salary increases as you move up the ranks amongst your peers.
I started in a sales department, which I despised. My idea was to move up into a creative department like marketing. I never had the drive or desire to manage anyone in sales so I never considered applying. I stayed stagnant within the company in a support position.
- I chose the wrong company at the wrong time
I grabbed the first decent desk job that was offered to me after college and didn’t put thought into researching the state of the company because I didn’t care about my boring desk job. The company was at the tail end of its start up days, so there were still some fun perks, but within a few years we were acquired by an industry giant. The chance of a raise became nonexistent- It was simply overshadowed by the fear of being laid off. (If you’ve ever been through an acquisition where executives are trying to make the company look as profitable as possible, you know that the lower the headcount the better ‘profits’ appear, regardless of the emotional state of your overworked employees.)
- I never figured out how to accept it
Five hours a week…ten hours a day. I never accepted the idea that living this type of life was OK.
And I tried really hard! Seriously!
I didn’t have time to take care of my home and my personal affairs, so I hired people to help me clean and run errands. I ate mostly expensive, unhealthy food provided by or located near my work. I felt guilty and lazy for not being able to take care of my own home, health and life.
I was exhausted from the emotional drain of my five day a week desk job. I usually spent my two days away from the office holed up at home recuperating, doing laundry and sleeping, meanwhile avoiding my friends and family because I was too tired to manage my social life on top of my energy-sucking job.
But my coworkers seemed to be just fine. So I started to tell myself that everyone who worked a desk job lived like this. In a desperate effort to make myself feel better, I unknowingly made myself feel like a failure for not being able to live up to these expectations, and became depressed…and a miserable, stressed and depressed employee is going to do terrible at any job.
- I wasn’t good at my job
I was never a bad employee. The company went through several rounds of layoffs and I remained. I was sharp and my coworkers liked me. But even though I had a good work ethic, I was never going to do well at my desk job because I didn’t truly enjoy the work. My heart was never in it and it ate away at me as month after month went by. The industry was watching-paint-dry boring and sales was manipulative and I just. hated. it.
So…I guess you could say that I just couldn’t hack it. There was something about me, be it my extremely sensitive personality or perhaps something completely external, which never allowed me to succeed at my corporate job.
So what’s a girl to do when she realizes she completely failed at climbing the corporate ladder?
Celebrate, of course!
Figuring out why I failed to climb the corporate ladder was one of the best things to have ever happened to me. The natural order and progression of my career was for me to fail at my corporate job. I failed due to the fact that I was never meant to excel in that type of environment because I was meant to thrive elsewhere. When I realized this and let go of the guilt and self-doubt I was harboring, I was completely free to create my own career path. And, taking action on that reality would be the single greatest motivator for me to leave the job I hated. In the end, my failure at my corporate job was inevitable. But I’m glad I failed so I could realize that I was meant for something different, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
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Love it – yay you! It’s SO important that we figure out why something doesn’t work out for us, and how to move on to the next great thing.
When I worked in an office setting, I was a mid manager, and it was awesome. I adored managing people. When I had the opportunity to manage people, that’s actually part of what made me stay for longer – it was a new challenge and it turns out that management suits me pretty well.
…but now that I have my own business, I get to do ALL the managing. And that’s even better 😀
I’ve felt the same way about jobs I had. Sure, I *could* do them, but eh. Why not just do something you love! Hopefully you’ve found what that thing is for you!
Thanks Brittany. Isn’t it amazing how many people out there have felt like this?!